Today we gather here to voice our concerns as firstborns. It’s not the first time I’m writing this and I know it’s boring but I’ll repeat it for the last born in the back. Yes, lastborns always sit in the back! We’ve had it with you since y’all were kids. Before we continue, who here loves their lastborn? Oh I see a couple of hands up, now honestly hand on the Bible? Yeah no one! Last born siblings are a nuisance when they are growing up. They get away with the weirdest shit. Someone eats sugar, and when mom comes home all fingers are pointed at us firstborns! Seriously who still eats sugar as a firstborn? Okay Edwine in the back, you have a problem! Lastborn siblings will never be punished for shit. They grow up putting blame on other siblings. Middle children never get into the picture because y’all are like butter, you make bread better but, it’s just bread. Your time to shine doesn’t come so we won’t even ask for your opinion. Today it’s a fight between firstborns and lastborns. Us firstborns are tired of you little pathetic human beings! Why can’t y’all have some respect? The latest Avengers movie is out but y’all still wanna watch nickelodeon. Jimjam! What’s that pot belly cartoon? It’s not even funny but y’all keep laughing when he falls off his little train. I don’t see the comedy in it. We firstborns need the remote too! I know we keep putting your needs before ours but it’s time you start being responsible. Take the trash out for starters. Keep quiet Edwine , I’m trying to have one meeting here. I know you are a second born with firstborn responsibilities! We feel you as firstborns and that’s why you are here. Lastborns are taking over. Just the other day my little brother had a girl over, in my house! I had to go to a friends house to give them ‘privacy’! He’s having sex, I’m not. I haven’t! In the last 4 years! He woke up early today morning and ate the ugali I had left. You know how angry that made me feel? I didn’t even have the energy to quarrel. Anytime I do, my parents get dragged into it. I’m always told I’m the bigger man here, I’m the man of the house! But I don’t feel like it mom? Little bro is running my house. He leaves the Wi-Fi and electricity on like he pays the bills in here. My 1kg sugar used to last for 2 weeks. Right now it doesn’t hit 5 days! We are getting tired of being finessed as firstborns. Any change that from the shop is never returned! Lastborns automatically think we don’t need those coins. They don’t know what it’s like to convince clients that digital marketing works! They haven’t worked their whole life but still want Balenciagas. Firstborns gathered here today are vowing to say no to this. Can I hear an Aye captain? Edwine, I didn’t hear your voice. I understand your little brother is knocking on the door. Okay, that’s it guys, let’s meet in a month for a progress report. Oh hey little brother, who’s the girl?
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