I’m Going to Make It!

Spoiler alert! I’m gone curse a lot!

I just came from buying Kashata. Do y’all know what that is? Well it’s basically coconuts crumbling plus sugar. Yeah I did my best explaining that. I took three bites then an idea of this blog came up. I have been wallowing in my problems since last night. Some news came my way that kinda freaked me out. See, I’ve been rock bottom since last year. It’s not been easy staying in the city and receiving this news had me shook for days. It fucked me up! I went to sleep at night and promised I wouldn’t pray about it. I promised not to bother God with my issues. I promised not to cry about it. I’m 27 now and it’s just about right that I handle it like a man. I woke up this morning with no smile on my face. It was sunny outside. Then it turned gloomy in the afternoon! That’s when I felt tears would come raining down my cheeks. I promised not to tell my friend about it but I found myself talking about it. He felt sorry for me. I promised not to cry about it so I kept my face straight and as usual covered it all up with smiles and jokes! I texted my mom about it though. I had to. It’s an issue about my job situation so I had to blurt it out! I’m in a tight spot at the moment. Financially I’m way beyond help. I did pray for a miracle a couple of weeks ago but so far nothing. I even started looking back and tried to picture if a miracle has ever happened in my life. Maybe it’s a cloud of depression but I don’t see any miracles in my life. This is when it fucking dawned on me that I needed to actually work something out. To find myself. To fucking stop whining! No one ever believed I’d play football, I’m fucking good at it. I started school as a slow kid, look at me now with great communication skills! I was a shy teenager but I still managed to date Sharon, a girl way outta my league! I did it all, without help. I made things work. I worked hard. But I forgot about everything and focused on depression. Focused on how fucked up millennials were. Focused on the little shitty distractions that came in the form of comfort zones. Fucking went ahead and begged for jobs like I didn’t have the ability to climb up myself. I’ve stopped way too low in 2019! Didn’t take up initiative. But now seated in this plastic chair in a single room in Umoja estate, I think back and realize my potential. I’m way more important than people think. I deserve the best things in life. I am a grown man! I deserve to live each day fully. If I die today I want y’all to read this and know I fucking changed my opinion about life. Suffering is just a phase but I won’t allow it to be my life. I’m gonna fucking build a film company! I’m gonna help out creatives. We’re gonna create beauty. I’m gonna fucking bathe in a bathtub. I’m gonna fly a plane even if it’s just in Africa! I’m going to date the best girl or maybe go back to an ex I really liked. I’m going to do all this. I don’t care if I don’t have money right now. I don’t care if my family is going to fall apart. We’ve risen from the dirt before. We’ve conquered it all. We’ve had worse! But here I am, with a belly full of rice. I’m going to fucking make it!